Bear deep in his book

Even the most perfect beings sometimes like to indulge in a little light reading:

In defense of the "worldly" life

I read a lot of Buddhist articles, discussions and things on the internet and in books. Many of them seem to say that renunciation (either physical or mental) of worldly possessions, hobbies and interests, singing and dancing, family ties, friendships, work etc is advisable in order to progress spiritually. I'm really struggling with this at the moment.

I recently posted this on the Buddhist thread of the website Allexperts, where you can ask questions to more experienced Buddhists, and see what they say.

What is the real difference between the "worldly" life and the "spiritual" life? Most things I read seem to regard the so-called "worldly" life with contempt. What is this worldly life?

Is it chasing after money and fortune (which I do not do)?

Is it wanting a loving relationship (which I do, but how going to a monastery would help with that I do not know. Also - I do not particularly wish to renounce my desire for a loving relationship - to love and be loved seems pretty natural and human to me)?

Is it fulfilling a role in the family, thus providing love and support to those around (which I do, which I am happy to do, and which brings me and my family members around me love, security and enjoyment)?

Is it listening to music (which I do - I think Beethoven's 9th symphony is the greatest piece of music ever composed and I think, as many people before me have thought, that it contains elements of the divine. The title is "Ode to Joy" and the words go like this: "All men become brothers." Is this an ill-inducing worldly pleasure?

How about dancing and singing? I have sung in choirs before, and one of the most powerful and beautiful experiences of my life was singing in the chorus of Beethoven's 9th symphony. Over one hundred human beings, each in his / her own private world, coming together to create a harmony, singing about all men becoming brothers.... is this a worldly pleasure that it would be best to renounce?

Or perhaps it's work. I am a language teacher. Would it be conducive to my happiness to renounce this? Languages, changeable and unreliable as they are (yes, I know that important feelings and concepts cannot be defined in words), are also incredibly beautiful. Listen to lines of Pablo Neruda's poetry (though it's nicer written in Spanish!): "I do not love you as the plant that never blooms, but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers" and tell me that poetic creation is just another human foible, a worldly pleasure to be renounced!

Is it friendship with non-Buddhists? I've read many accounts of people renouncing their friends to pursue something "higher", more spiritual. I have a wide circle of friends, some of whom I feel a deep connection with. With the closest of my friends, I can talk about more or less anything. We can sit in silence and be completely at ease. We can often understand each other without having to say anything at all. We can laugh for no reason. These are probably just meaningless worldly delusions that should be given up for something better.

I realise that most people will say that the choice between the spiritual and worldly life is just that, a choice, and that I needn't feel bad or attacked because there's no creator god or any person attacking me or whatever. However, I get the feeling that this is the Buddhist message: "you have a choice - either follow the spiritual path and become happier and enlightened, or continue down the worldly path and be miserable and suffer more. it's your choice, nobody's telling you what to do, but just remember that one direction will make you miserable and the other will make you happy. you won't be condemned to eternal suffering or anything like in other religions, just a few more lifetimes of misery. it's your choice!" - I feel like that isn't a choice at all. it sounds to me like a softer, more intelligent, more persuasive and perhaps manipulative version of the Christian "do this or go to hell" commandments. Basically a very similar concept, just worded in a more rhetorical way.

Also, with regard to the things I mentioned above (family, music, friends etc) - I don't mean to say that these things will bring me permanent and lasting happiness. I know that listening to Beethoven's 9th symphony ten times in a row would lead me to boredom with it. And that's fine. I've never wanted to listen to it ten times. I know that my parents will die one day. This is sad but I can accept it. Friendships sometimes fall apart.

So, tell me that these things are to be renounced, and I'll give it some consideration.

My life so far

WARNING: SELF-INDULGENT BLOG POST HERE :-)

I think it is important for people to know a little bit about the background of the people they interact with, the people they take advice from, the people they listen to and the people they counsel. Everybody's current actions and thoughts are at least partly dependent on the set of circumstances that has brought them to their current position. By "set of circumstances" I mean family background, childhood, education, genetic makeup, among other things that currently don't spring to mind.

So here is a brief synopsis of my life as I currently see it:

I was born in June 1984 to loving, liberal, educated parents. I am an only child. I think I was quite a shy child, but by my parents' accounts I had nice friends and enjoyed life. I have mixed memories of childhood. I remember going to visit my grandparents (on both sides of the family) and loving it. I always looked forward to the food they prepared, as well as getting out all the old toys and photos from my parents' childhoods. I loved Christmases in particular. I am very lucky to have had such a loving and caring childhood. I do, however, recall being very anxious as a child. I was particularly anxious in social situations, at school and in groups of people I was unfamiliar with. I also remember having some fairly dark thoughts (dark, at least for a seven year old!) and being disturbed by that. Thinking about it, nothing much has changed! I still experience fairly severe social anxiety in some situations, my mind is often a source of darkness to me, and I still love Christmas.

In terms of my education, I was one of the smart ones at school, getting good marks and top of the class and all that. I remember developing an interest in philosophy from quite a young age, even without really knowing what it was. I hated science at school and I remember asking my physics teacher if we could study metaphysics instead of electrical circuit boards or whatever it was we were doing that day. I loved languages and developed a love for French, which I ended up studying at university. I went to Oxford university, which was a mixed experience for me. My first year was pretty miserable, second year was better, and my last two years were great. After leaving university I did a teaching course, allowing me to teach English as a foreign language, and that is what I am doing now, career-wise.

Relationships have been an important yet pretty difficult part of my life so far. I met and fell absolutely head over heels for my first love when I was 17. It feels like a long time ago now. I remember being totally besotted, and, as is often the case with first loves, I was completely floored when we broke up. I stayed on the sofa for two weeks, couldn't eat and couldn't work. It was a few months later that I started to develop attractions for other people but it took me several years to really recover from that experience. During that period of vulnerability, I developed an unhealthy obsession with an older woman, which also lasted for several years. Nothing ever became of it, which is no doubt a blessing. In my first year at university, I dated two people, a girl then a boy. At the time, I was confused, depressed, anxious and wasn't my kindest, most generous self. In my second year at university I had a year-long relationship with a very lovely guy. Something wasn't right, though. My heart wasn't in it, I wasn't ready to settle down, I was insecure about my sexual orientation, he was very jealous - all of those things contributed to the end of that relationship. In my third year at university, I dated a girl for around 8 months. That didn't work out. In my fourth year at university, I dated another girl for about 6 months. Her emotional troubles collided spectacularly with mine and, needless to say, that didn't work out! I was pretty devastated after that relationship, but moved on. Last year I had a 12-month relationship with a guy who was almost the opposite of my troubled former girlfriend. We became great friends and the relationship was lovely for a decent time. For various reasons, though, it was wise to let it fall apart. This summer I met a guy who I fell for very quickly, who seemed to be a perfect balance of all my ex-partners. Kind, compassionate, funny, a little bit neurotic but not too much so. I thought "Wow!" then he broke it off, very suddenly and unexpectedly, because of unresolved psychological issues that he has. So now I'm single, and enjoying a bit of emotional peace at the moment! I don't mean all this to sound negative, it's just that, obviously, given that I'm currently single, all my past relationships haven't worked out for one reason or another!

My own psychological health has been up and down, though I am thankful to say that I've never experienced any of the big psychological disorders like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. I've had patches of depression and have experienced anxiety on and off for a long time. I was diagnosed with OCD a couple of years ago. That can be fairly grim, even though in my case it's not life-threatening or debilitating, at least in practical terms of getting on with life, going to work and functioning in the world.

I see myself as a very lucky person. I have parents who love me and wish for my happiness, and for me it's extremely important to remember that and to try and appreciate it. I have some wonderful friends, all different from each other, and this enriches my life a lot. I'm grateful for my material well-being, my family, friends, my education and the fact that I'm still young and have time to explore things and enjoy life.

So - that's my background. All of my current thoughts and quests are products and ongoing features of the things I've mentioned above. In writing this long post now, I hope to avoid whittering on in later posts about events in my earlier life.

Introduction

I’m a 25 year old British girl / woman / female human being. I am currently living in Paris. I have been interested in Buddhism for about 7 years now. My relationship with Buddhism hasn’t always been a happy one. In this blog I’d like to explore that relationship and share it with you. I hope that this blog won’t be full of posts about me, me and me, but there will be some! I also hope to share with you any personal insights, or snippets of enlightened thinking that I may have had (there won’t be much of that), as well as links to websites, Buddhist or otherwise, that I have found helpful in my quest for finding out what life is really all about.