A lot has happened since I wrote on here last.
In short, I've:
1. moved back to the UK from Paris
2. felt good
3. had a major depressive episode (grim)
4. felt okay again
5. been on three weekend meditation retreats
6. cheered up
I've realised something that may be quite profound, or may be something that lots of people already know, and is definitely something that meditation teachers, happier and wiser people than me have been telling me all along. All the constant thoughts about things, my pressing need to "work it all out" here and now with my brain, trains of thought, philosophising, working things out "logically" (though I think even the most amateur philosophers would have some bones to pick with my logic!) - all that is all very well, and is still very much present - the record is still a little bit stuck - but the contents of that over-worked brain of mine are not the be-all and end-all of it.
Essentially, as more or less every single meditation teacher has said at one point or another, thoughts are just thoughts. They are not you. They are not not you either. They are there. That is okay, and brains are incredible things, but broken records aren't.
2 weeks ago