Buddhist qualities

I’ve noticed some really distinctive qualities in the Buddhists I’ve met so far:

1. All of them have a very calm way of behaving and speaking.

2. Most of them seem genuinely kind people. Many take an interest in me and my life, asking questions about my family and job and friends and so on. They do so in a careful way, and none of them are the type of person to go on one of those train-of-thought monologues about their own life or what they did that day. Because so much interest is taken in me, I sometimes end up feeling silly for talking about myself so much!

3. A curious quality I notice in some of the more experienced Buddhists I meet or observe is a way of looking you in the eye and holding your gaze for longer than most people do. I don’t know why this is. The person in question is perhaps generally calm and relaxed (see point 1), and therefore less fidgety and anxious than most.

4. An extension of number 3, something that I have experienced with one or two experienced Buddhists, is the impression that they can see right through me. That my outer personality shell of chatter, humour etc is laughably transparent and that the real stuff, the real feelings, anxieties, obsessions and all, are on display for everyone to see. I had this feeling a few weeks ago when I met a woman who has been involved in Buddhism for many years, occupies a senior position in the Buddhist order she belongs to, and is an experienced meditator. She impressed me and intimidated me by her presence. I know a non-Buddhist or two who have the same effect on me. There’s a highly intelligent, self-assured (though not arrogant) aura surrounding these people which makes me feel completely frivolous in comparison. I think that says as much about my own neuroses than it does about the people in question.

Anyway, I asked this woman a question about relationships and families in Buddhism and whether these things are just too worldly to be advisable. She said some things about the Buddhist perspective and then told me she was married and had two children. I asked her how old her children were. The oldest is 25. I told her that I am also 25 and she smiled. We talked for a minute or two about our own families. We had a small moment of human connection, which actually felt more important and powerful to me than her original answer to my question, which I have since forgotten.